UNREMITTING FAILURE

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Condiment

Neil Young has announced he does not intend to participate in the forthcoming reunion tour with David Crosby, Stephen Stills and Graham Nash.  Instead, his place will be taken by a bottle of Heinz ketchup.  The portly Crosby, for one, prefers the new lineup, saying, "Have you ever tried dipping a french fry into Neil Young?" 

   One of 57 varieties of toothless hippie pablum

When We Were a Kid

When we were a kid, a penny would buy you a bubblegum ball the size of your head.  A jawbreaker was just that.  And ten cents would buy you a pack of baseball cards with that flat pink sheet of gum that crumbled in your mouth. 

When we were a kid, every gas station in America was operated by a guy named Floyd.

When we were a kid, women drank and smoked their way through their pregnancies in an attempt to forget the imminent horrors of monotonous child-rearing.