Things are slow around here, so we've been redecorating. You like the new couch? The blue blends perfectly with the David Hockney original behind it. There's an interesting story behind the Hockney. We were in line at the supermarket and noticed that David Hockney was just ahead of us. He was buying two oranges, a dozen eggs, some sunblock and a pound of hamburger. When the cashier rang up his groceries, the bill came to $15.17. Turned out David only had $15. He turned to us as if to say "Can you help?" We looked the other way. He finally had to leave the two oranges behind, although it was obvious he had his heart set on them.
After he was gone, we paid and carried our groceries to the parking lot. There was Hockney, obviously locked out of his car. He looked at us as if to say "Can you help?" We looked the other way.
On the way out of the parking lot in our car, we saw Hockney trying the old coathanger trick at his driver's side window. We pulled out of the lot, saw a policeman, pulled over, and told him, "There's a suspicious character trying to break into a car in the supermarket parking lot. We think he has a gun."
We stopped at another place to buy some macrame supplies then drove over to the district police station, where we found Hockney sharing a cell with a man who reeked of gasoline. We stood at the bars and Hockney gave us a look that said, Can you help?" We looked away, then left.
The next day we went to a really ritzy gallery and bought a David Hockney. He may be a jailbird, but he sure knows how to paint.
depicts the disastrous bellyflop we call life