Cuz he wore horrible dayglo suits and sang horrible songs in the late seventies and eighties, but we are here to tell you we love Rod Stewart because he wrote
"Every Picture Tells a Story" and
"Maggie May", two of the best coming-of-age rock songs ever. We also love "Handbags and Gladrags" and every goddamn song the Faces ever recorded. So if we ever see Sir Rodney (he's not really a Sir, except to us) walking down the street we'll embrace him and say "Thank you, Mr. Rod Stewart, for giving us the gift of your songs, excepting
"Hot Legs" of course, that one was a real stinker and somebody ought to have punched you in the prominent schnoz in order to dissuade you from recording it, nor do we care much for your recent albums covering American standards but if you want to waste your time recording oldies so be it, you totally deserve the right to do whatever you want with your glorious voice, but we will always love you for capturing the way we felt at 18, or wanted to feel anyway, because we never had a Maggie May or got
"arrested for inciting a peaceful riot" stuck in landlocked Littlestown as we were, where there were no "slant-eyed" ladies around to teach us the Asian ways of love on the Peking ferry, but we certainly did spend some time in front of our mirrow feeling inferior, you were spot on there... anyway, we want to say bless you for all you've given us, like when you sing
"Make the best out of the bad just laugh it off/Ha!/You didn't ask to come here anyway" which is the best philosophy of life we've ever encountered in a popular song. So let your detractors detract, we will defend you with our life, except once again for "Hot Legs" of course, which is like the worst song ever and you should be ashamed of having recorded it, you rooster-haired genius/putz."