Woman's profile:
"I like seafood, and I occasionally like to be flogged."
Our response:
"Yar! Ye've found your man, ye have! The name is Cap'n Bob, and I manage the Red Lobster at the Rte. 73 Interchange on the inner loop of the Beltway, Five thousand lashes have I administered over my managing career, and a few more won't do me any harm! And seafood! It's an all-you-can-eat buffet on board every day here, served between the hours of 5 and 7. That's Happy Hour! In addition, the fresh food will do wonders for your complexion. Could we meet over a flagon of rum at the "Lobster" on Tuesday? I'd say Wednesday, but that's me bowling night. Sincerely,
Spoken like a true Jack tar! And? Did she go for that rum, sodomy & the lash thing? If not, there's still the plank!
Posted by: Jan Martin Löhndorf | June 01, 2012 at 08:08 AM
No, she didn't. I never heard from her. Some people just don't know a good deal when they hear one.
Posted by: UF Mike | June 01, 2012 at 08:53 AM
Yea, you can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make it drink ...
Posted by: Jan Martin Löhndorf | June 01, 2012 at 09:16 AM
You can lead an idiot into a classroom, but you can't make it think. That's what my teacher told me in second grade. Actually, that's not true. It was college.
Posted by: UF Mike | June 01, 2012 at 09:33 AM
"Peel and Eat."
Thats my favorite.
Posted by: bulletholes | June 01, 2012 at 11:30 AM
Are we talking women here, bulletholes? Have you turned into one of those face-eating cannibals?
Posted by: UF Mike | June 02, 2012 at 11:55 AM
It goes way back Mike, to a waitress named Junebug that all you had to do was say "hello' and you could watch her nipples start to get hard right through the stretchy top that she was issued. They were huge, and nobody minded it much.
Anyway, she would always smile at me with those nipples, and ask "Whats cookin' chef" and I'd say "You are baby, I can smell you from here" and she'd say "Why don't you come over to my place for some "Peel and Eat" and one night I DID go over, and that is how I met the future Ex-Mrs Bulletholes.
She was Junebugs room mate.
Posted by: bullets | June 03, 2012 at 03:46 AM
you'll break my heart when you find your lady and these letters stop...
Posted by: jeanne | June 03, 2012 at 05:57 AM
Bullets, I'll say it again. You're the best storyteller I've ever met. And thanks Jeanne. I don't think there's any risk of that happening anytime soon. Yrs,
Posted by: UF Mike | June 03, 2012 at 10:47 AM
Bulletholes IS the Karouac amongst us. And you are just fantastic.
Posted by: Martijn | June 20, 2012 at 05:53 PM