Sobbing gently to ourselves as we read The Diary of Michael Franks, the acclaimed book about the smooth jazz singer's struggle to evade capture by worldwide authorities on charges of "musical torture" after the 1975 release of his song Popsicle Toes. Franks attempted to avoid detection and arrest by hiding in the sealed-off upper rooms of the annex of his father's office building in Amsterdam. After being betrayed by neighbors, Franks was apprehended in 1977 by Nazi and bad musician hunter Simon Wiesenthal, who said, "Today marks an important occasion. We have captured the worst smooth jazz criminal this side of Chuck Mangione." Franks' manuscript was later discovered and given to his father, who published it under the original title The Diary of a Young Girl, evidently out of the belief that his 31-year-old son was actually a female. It initially sold poorly, and appealed only to the kind of people who think Yanni is a national treasure. But since the resurgent popularity of Yacht Rock, the book has become immensely popular, and is slated to be turned into a motion picture sometime next year. Ryan Gosling is purportedly slated to play Franks, who has returned to music following a 15-year exile on the isle of Elba. "The worst part of it," says Franks in the book, "Is that I can't sing. Someone might hear me. So I sing in my head, and I sing only sad songs, very very very sad songs. The second worst part is that I must wash my bloomers by hand, using water brought to me surreptitiously by closeted smooth jazz aficionados who work in the building below." We'll lend you our copy if you want.
I am my mustache, I am my mustache, I am my mustache, & I am fine.
Posted by: Jeffers | May 21, 2012 at 03:40 PM
Over 590 Youtube views and no "dislikes." I think that's amazing.
Posted by: AnitaNH | May 21, 2012 at 05:56 PM
Hahaha! Brilliant, Jeffers!
Posted by: Jan Martin Löhndorf | May 22, 2012 at 06:16 AM
You guys are funny. Anita, I suspect all 590 views were by Michael himself. He sings along with himself then says, "Darn, I'm talented."
Posted by: UF Mike | May 22, 2012 at 09:29 AM
Hey, I sent my mss of weirdo nature poems to Mudlark (they did Crayola & those Babble poems) & they want to run these on their site as an electronic chapbook. So that's cool. Looks like it will be in the summer sometime. I'll let you know when it all goes down. Hope all's well,
Jeffers
Posted by: Jeffers | May 22, 2012 at 10:17 AM
Oh my gosh, I forgot all about Yacht Rock and collections of that ilk.
Posted by: gillian | May 22, 2012 at 02:35 PM
That is mighty cool. Congratulations, jeffers!
Posted by: UF Mike | May 22, 2012 at 08:00 PM
That's cool, Jeffers!
Posted by: gillian | May 22, 2012 at 08:03 PM
So that's cool? Indeed it is, Jeffers! I would like a signed copy, but if it's only online ... would you sign my computer monitor then?
Posted by: Jan Martin Löhndorf | May 23, 2012 at 11:10 AM
Sure. It's actaully a pretty cool site, with lots of fairly "successful" poeting folks, if that means anything, which it doesn't. I do have two books you can get on Amazon, though, wink wink.
Posted by: Jeffers | May 23, 2012 at 01:21 PM
You hear that? My brother has "merch" you can get on Amazaon! I told you he was the most talented poet of his generation! And I'm not jealous even the least bit! Even though he stole 46 percent of his best stuff from me! Love you Jeffers,
http://www.amazon.com/The-Hotel-Sterno-Jeffrey-Little/dp/0965944328
And be sure to read the customer reviews!
Posted by: UF Mike | May 23, 2012 at 02:24 PM
I've just read the reviews - goodness, the customers all love that man Jeffers to pieces! All five of them, anyway.
Guess I'll order a copy - next month, when there's money on my hands again, that is.
Posted by: Jan Martin Löhndorf | May 23, 2012 at 04:15 PM
You won't be disappointed. It's the Finnegan's Wake of dadaist poetry and there are lines in it that will set your hair on fire. Guaranfuckingteed.
Posted by: UF Mike | May 23, 2012 at 07:24 PM
I have 5 fans, FIVE! Count 'em up baby, I'm ready to break it big!
Posted by: Jeffers | May 24, 2012 at 08:32 AM