In news that geneticists are calling breathtaking in its scope, scientists at the University of Arizona have established a DNA link between Jeff Flabbington, Forkdale, and the popular Chunky candy bar. Said head researcher Don Plinth, "His DNA has it all--the delicious chocolate, the scrumptious raisins, and those crunchy pieces of peanut that just seal the deal." Flabbington's uncle claims the whole thing is some kind of misunderstanding. "My nephew's hefty and dresses in silver. That doesn't make him a delicious between meals snack." Scientists now hypothesize that there must be a human-chunky missing link. "Somewhere out there, probably in the wilds, there's a Man-Chunky. And we intend to find him."
