We tell them, "In the head." We always knew we weren't normal. Your normal kid didn't see dead people on The Ghost and Mrs. Muir. Or groom his goldfish.
From an early age Life confounded us. Why, for example, did Red Skelton have skin? Why didn't Darrin on Bewitched ask Samantha to magically give herself extra orifices? Was the guy deranged? He could have had her secrete liquid morphine from her belly button. He could have soared above the clouds, occasionally dive-bombing peaceful hamlets like a Man-Stuka. He could have given Tinkerbell from Sunday night's The Wonderful World of Disney wing cancer!
But our dysfunctions didn't stop there. Children don't generally shriek at the sight of jiggling jello or spend an entire afternoon nervously trying to defuse a bomb pop. Were we the only person in the entire world who knew that Life could kill you? Our family still makes fun of us for being afraid of grass. That shit carries 800 fatal diseases! The World does not forgive those who question its bounty. It afflicted us with My Favorite Martian. Damned us to interminable clothes shopping expeditions at the long defunct Montgomery Ward store in Hanover PA. And turned us into a lifelong paranoid with Channel 13's Romper Room, where the dreadful Miss Nancy and her Magic Mirror kept watch on us from the wrong side of the television.
"And I see Failure... "
Wow. Monkey Wards in Hanover and Miss Nancy in the same post. That's doin' somethin'.
(And you know that ghost wanted a piece of Mrs. Muir.)
Fuckin' Romper Room. Hilarious.
What's next? Stu Kerr in Dialing for Dollars?
Posted by: Ben | December 30, 2008 at 02:16 PM
I keep waiting to get pelted by Ping-Pong Balls, like Mr Greeen Jeans on Captain Kangaroo...
Posted by: Steve | December 30, 2008 at 02:21 PM
Mr Green Jeans! That commie...
Dialing for Dollars! Man, that was great! People used to win, like, 10 bucks and go ape. Nowadays they'd sue the TV station and win.
Posted by: Unremitting Failure | December 30, 2008 at 04:56 PM
I found so many interesting stuff in your blog especially the pictures. Thanks.
Posted by: Jordan 8 | August 02, 2010 at 11:22 PM