The Russian Novelski
I drove my droshky into a snow bank. This pissed off Tolstoy no end. He shouted, "Where did you learn to drive the droshky, at drunkard's school?" That hurt. I mean, I had drunk six triple vodkas before getting behind the reins. But it's cold up on that bench. You need 18 shots of vodka to keep from freezing. I replied, "Chekhov was kinder." To which Tolstoy replied, "Yes, and he is deader than Haircut 100! Deader than Hootie and the Blowfish! Deader than the Captain and Tennille!" I replied, "There's no call to bring the Captain into this. I served under him on the US Muskrat."