Ask Baby Hitler is an irregular feature here at Unremitting Failure. Needless to say, the opinions of Baby Hitler are his own, and are not shared or condoned by this blog or its parent corporation, the Spassky Organization.
Dear Baby Hitler: My house is small, very small. I am dissatified with its smallness, but don't know what to do about it. Any suggestions? Ian from Andersonville
Dear Ian: A man needs Lebensraum, Lebensraum! I can only tell you what I did when I decided my house was too small. I invaded Russia.
Dear Baby Hitler: My wife has an odd fascination, I might even say love for, England Dan and John Ford Coley. Strange, right? It has put a strain on our marriage, as I find their music unconscionable. The question is, what can I do about it? John from Denver
Dear John: I had a similar situation--he was a Duran Duran fanatic--arise with one of my subordinates in 1943. I sent him to the Eastern Front. I suggest you do the same with your wife. That'll cool her jets, I guarantee it.
Dear Baby Hitler: I have a running argument with my spouse about which song is better, Stairway to Heaven or Hotel California. I say Stairway to Heaven. Is there any way you can settle this argument for us? Angie from Angola