When you're as far gone as we are, nerves wise, seemingly innocent things take on a sinister cast. Like the ice cream truck that circles our neighborhood around 4:00 every afternoon. Ice cream truck music is inherently horror movie creepy, but what really inspires dread about this ice cream truck is that it only plays Christmas songs. In the summertime. We're generally sharing the pool, at that workaday hour, with just Goran the Russian lifeguard and a woman with one arm. Which brings us to another thing that's freaking us out, namely the recent disquieting spate of one-armed women we've been seeing around. You go years without seeing a one-armed woman and suddenly there are one-armed women everywhere and it's suspicious-making we tell you, suspicious-making as all hell. There's the one-armed woman we saw recently in the CVS Pharmacy. And another one-armed woman we see regularly on Mt. Pleasant Avenue. And the pool's one-armed woman. It could be coincidence. Or, and we know this is going to make us sound paranoid, there's a League of One-Armed Women and they've been commissioned to follow us around. But to what purpose, is what we would like to know. We have half a mind to confront one of these women and say "What do you want from us?" Not that we're so naive as to think they'd tell us. No, they'd just pretend not to know what we were talking about. That's the way it is with one-armed women, they're good at acting all innocent when, in fact, they are not innocent at all. They're part of a one-armed cabal designed to keep tabs on yours truly. Just yesterday we were at the pool and the one-armed woman was there too, doing the dead man's float and pretending not to notice our existence. She even had her eyes closed. But we weren't fooled. She wasn't relaxing. She was keeping us under surveillance. We could have left, but we refuse to be cowed by the League of One-Armed Women. We will not be intimidated by their presence wherever we go. We will not, we repeat we will not, surrender.