We are very foreign and new to this country and depressed and think that the women and especially the sex in the bed will help to mend our broken heart. You see in Albinia, the all-albino nation state from which we hail, there is the woman who tore our heart out and ate it while we watched, this after we told her we loved her and wanted to give her yak as a token of our everlasting devotion. After this we leave Albinia by tramp steamer for the New Land, here to make a living as yak sperm importers. We are honest, devoted, and pale, and think the connection between the man and the woman is important for there to be little Albinian-Americans, that and it's fun to wear the ceremonial Albinian love-making outfits and to milk the ceremonial yak before the festivities in the bed, with the kissing and the fondling and the sex toys and the dog at the foot of the bed to guard the bed from other men who would break in and rape the woman, an Albinian tradition. We enjoy bowling and spinning ceremonial pottery yak ejaculation bowls and picking out the giant albino yakherder's dog to guard the foot of the bed, and we would like to see the monument in Washington that is shaped exactly like an Albinian penis with our own inadequate eyes. You: Are short and squat, the better to produce the pale whelps. Your wide hips and rosy lips are matched by your optimism and honesty and dedication to the rich and rewarding family life of the Albinian family, which is based around borscht and the ritual drinking of the insanely strong "blue babulinka" after meals, to prepare for the mood of erotic booby squeezing. Must like Sammy Davis Jr. and Albinian films, as well as singing sensation Vyaklov Vyaklov, who is otherwise known as "the Albinian Heino." In short, we are looking for love in this new homeland and want to hold your hand to our groin, in a friendly introductory way as is traditional upon first meeting of man and submissive spouse. Please respond to this ad, as we are looking to be inserting penis now! Sincerely, Yacop and Spleendov Fermidor.