So we're tearing up your check for 13 dollars, you know who you are, and forgetting this ever happened.
It's not that we're a prude. Sure, our Midwestern values imbued in us the belief that sex should occur only between two married people for procreative purposes. But we ourselves have engaged in sex with a spouse while employing contraception! So we are definitely not "uptight." Still, the idea of paying us to have sex with you (you know who you are) is deeply offense to our upbringing and morals. Our mom used to tell us, "You do not have sex with the postman, you do not have sex with Missy down the street, the only person you have sex with is a duly sworn police officer if he orders you to." Our mother was very obedient to authority, she would never dream of stepping on somebody else's lawn, or even her own. Our father was a Protestant minister who liked to take little boys under his wing and molest them under there. Of course we didn't know this then. Then he was a pillar of the community, whose favorite saying was "Randy Dandy."
So no, we will not accept your 13 dollar "donation" (as you so cunningly put it) to our coffers. We know that we live in a big city with big city morals and that not everyone thinks cunnilingus is a county in Ireland. But we will have none of it. We will stand firm, our virtue intact. That said, if you have a sister, we might be able to work something out.