Well, Valentine's Day is Tomorrow

And boy, are we depressed.  Young lovers, rejoice, but as for us we've had our heart ripped beating from our ribcage and thrown to the hyenas in the wilderness.  We shouldn't take it so hard, no less than Tina Turner called Love a "secondhand emotion," but speaking just for ourselves we've been to plenty of secondhand emotion shops and we've never seen Love on sale there.  We picked up a box of nice lukewarm resentments once, for a steal, but Love, never. 

When you're in Love it's the greatest thing in the world, but when that Love dies, a country song is born and makes you cry.  There's only so much Love to go around, and it's not enough or the world would be a very different place.  When you fall in Love what you are in effect doing is stealing somebody else's Love, their loss is your gain.  So what we recommend is that when your Love disappears you go out and find who took it, and give them a good swift kick in the ass.

Spending Valentine's Day alone is painful, last year we crept into the bear enclosure at the zoo to do some snuggling.  But bears have a very different idea of love than we do, and they wound up almost ripping us limb from limb.  Maybe a baby bear would have been different, they lack the homicidal impulses of their elders, they're soft and cuddly and in their little brain a thought rolls around and that thought is, "When I get older, I'm going to fuck you up." 

We don't think we're jaded although it's possible we're jaded, we could be jaded, but we don't think so.  We want Love as much as the next marsupial, but first we have to meet a woman and make a good impression upon her which isn't easy, seeing as how in our advanced years we're beginning to look more and more like a crustacean.  And a crustacean that smokes is not an easy sell on the dating circuit.  We've tried speed dating but we didn't like the way the speed made us feel. 

There must be a woman out there for us, there must be, there must be.  And her name must be Wanda.  And she must drive an El Camino and swear like a sailor and smoke extralong Kools and throw her empty beer cans into the bed of the El Camino as she drives.  Out the window and into the bed, which is just the opposite of what will happen when Wanda's husband arrives home to find us in bed with Wanda, who has a cheating heart, how did we ever end up with Wanda in the first place?  That's the way Love is, it chooses you and you can't say no even though you know it's going to end in disaster, it always does.  Except in the movies and even there too, sometimes, though not often enough, we watched Drive last night and boy does Ryan Gosling have a cool jacket. 

Comments

[Jan Martin Löhndorf]

I haven't seen the movie, but tje jacket looks like some kind of Harrington-style jacket which is really great. I've got 2 Harringtons, one in brown and one in navy blue.

As for love, Chantal & me have finally ended our story and it's really ok for me, maybe there's a new story at the horizon, maybe there isn't. I hope there is. (I am in love/danger, your choice.)
I have met 3 people who are very important & dear to me since the end of last year, and I feel utterly good about that. The 1st one of them was you, Mike, it's great to see there are people who speak the same language as you.
Your post made me laugh and feel sorry at the same time.

Oh yes, send me a Valentine card if you feel like it.

[UF Mike]

Thanks, Jan Martin. It is great to discover somebody who speaks the same benighted language. Sorry about you and Chantal, I wish I could be as philosophical as you are. I hate loss, even if I hate what I'm losing.

[Dave Mows Grass]

Love is a zero-sum game, that's for sure! That's why I really love things rather than people. I've always been that way. I figure by really loving the backpack I bought a few weeks ago, the worst I'm doing is making some other guy not love his new backback. Likewise, I don't really care for the water bottle I got with the strap to hold it on my hand, which means another guy really likes his. No big deal. My life makes very little consequence for anyone else.

[UF Mike]

Tell that to the guy who doesn't love his new backpack, pal. He's lost. He's like, "But I loved you in the store!" And now he's sneaking around, probably, behind his backpack's back. Which isn't easy, if he's wearing it.

[ishootblanks]

At my last check-up my doctor asked how my girlfriend was. He looks at his chart and says:
"Last time you were in you were in love and very happy "
"I gotta tell you doc, last time I was in I had just plain forgot what a pain in the ass girls are."

He just laughed and asked should he put that on my chart.