Crunkles the Dog came by our apartment last night, looking agitated. He got right down to brass tacks. He said, "Look pal, I don't know who you think you are, but you came close today to fucking up a righteous gig. You've got my owner suspicious. He's doing a background check. If I come up as a Crunkles, he'll know I got caught passing back checks back in '09. Why do you think I changed my name to Buttercup?"
We offered him a cigarette.
"Nows??" he said. "What, do you own a vagina?" He tore off the filter and lit up. "This isn't the first time this has happened. I was down in Arkansas in '06, living under the alias Tinkerbell, when some guy named Dave, right out of the blue, passes me with my owner in the street and says, "Hi Crunkles." I had to go on the lam, head north. Now it looks like I might have to blow town again."
"We don't know what to say," we said. "We're sorry. It's just so obvious you're a Crunkles. This Dave guy, did he happen to be wearing a water bottle that strapped to his hand? And that he obviously didn't like very much?"
"That's the hombre," said Crunkles. "Anyway, if this whole thing blows up in my face, I may need to lie low here for a while. Go to the mattresses, as it were, until the heat dies down." "How do you feel about chihuahuas?" we asked.
"They're a breed," he said. "Not my favorite breed, but not my least favorite breed either. That would go to the King Charles spaniel. Those dogs are so cute it makes me puke."
I remember Crunkles. That son of a bitch stole my wallet!
Posted by: Dave Mows Grass | February 14, 2012 at 12:18 PM
Speaking of King Charles spaniels, there are some in this miniseries, which is pretty damned good. The spaniels don't have an important role, however, other than looking cute, and amusing the king. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0364800/
Posted by: gillian | February 14, 2012 at 07:42 PM
King Charles? Have I missed something, I thought his mother was still alive!
Posted by: Jan Martin Löhndorf | February 15, 2012 at 02:35 AM
Haha, Jan Martin!
Posted by: gillian | February 15, 2012 at 02:54 PM
I love that Dave got a cameo here. thats my favorite part, other than ripping the filter off the Now, which I used to do with my buddies Carltons. I'm surprised Dave didn't try to teach Crunckles to play the Bagpipe.
Posted by: ishootblanks | February 16, 2012 at 12:05 PM
Yeah, Dave deserves a cameo in all of my posts. And he did try to teach him the bagpipes. That's why Crunckles left town.
Posted by: UF Mike | February 17, 2012 at 12:24 PM