Whew! Was that an ordeal--that quitting was hard! Now that we've proven to ourselves we can sort of do it, we decided it was time to take a break and start smoking again!
We tore off that patch, and we l00ked at it in a Clint Eastwood kind of way, and we rasped, "Only one of us can survive, and it's not going to be you." Then we threw it in the trash.
That's the good news. The bad news is that we plan to start over Saturday, this time in earnest. No smoking whatsoever. And unless we have multiple personalities, we intend to abide by that commitment. If we do have multiple personalities, it'll probably be "Vic" who cracks, because he's the pleasure seeker in us, and all id. It was his genius idea to continue smoking while on the patch. We like "Vic", but he's our very own imp of the perverse. It was him who told us to jump out of that hayloft on New Year's Eve (yes, we once spent New Year's Eve in a barn) and caused us to break our ankle. And it was Vic who told us it would be a good idea to get insanely drunk the night before the graduate school entrance exams, which resulted in our receiving a score only slightly higher than that of a squirrel monkey. We admire his dedication to doing the next wrong thing, on principle, but he's never done us any favors.
The worst thing about the patch is that we can't think while we're on it. Our blogging comes to a standstill. We get lost in a wilderness of mirrors, and every mirror reflects an image of us blissfully puffing away on a Camel filter, a big smile on our face. It's hard to focus in such an environment. It would be easy to deduce from this that nicotine is the fuel of our genius, but we don't think that's the case. It's simply that cigarette withdrawal leads directly to our withdrawal from the world in general, and it becomes hard to do anything. One thing we noticed over the past several days is that we need a cigarette before we go to the gym. Without it, we are like Samson shorn of his locks. Weak, distracted, and flabby. Nobody believes us when we tell them that smoking makes us stronger, but it's true. That shot of pure nicotine to the brain is just what we need to focus our energies on lifting weights and running. Without it, we're like gelatin. We belong on a hospital tray, and wiggle back and forth, without volition, when shaken.
I can't believe no one reacted to this. I guess everybody was as flabber-raged as I was, and in search of words of praise and... even more praise for the post, and sympathy for the cause. Sympathy for the daredevil. And a little sadness. We all (?) want you to succeed in quitting smoking if that is what you want. 'Cause we all love you and want you to be healthy and happy and writing for our own personal entertainment. But let me just speak for myself: I want you to quit smoking if yóu want to quit. And although this come-back of the second post made me laugh out loud, my neurotic (over-social) other half took over and felt a bit sorry for you. Mike, you CAN do this if you want. (Just call me a pussy if you want. If you need it, I will be your syber-buddy and fill your head with positive re-encouragement.)
Posted by: Martijn | January 08, 2012 at 06:04 PM
Thank you Martijn. I do want to quit, almost as much or as much as I want to keep smoking. There's something about the sheer wrongness of lighting up that I find delightfully transgressive, but there's also something about the sheer rightness of not lighting up that I findly delightfully transgressive too. Not to enjoy oneself in this world seems like a laudable goal, although I don't know why. Perhaps it's why I gave up drinking, when all is said and done. That said, I'm not sure I can quit smoking. So far nothing's worked, because I go crazy and fall silent and hate everything, and in the end I want to love the world, despite the fact that it's essentially unlovable and deserves a good kick in the pants. Does any of this make any sense?
Posted by: UF MIKE | January 09, 2012 at 08:35 AM
It makes perfect sense. However, the 'hating everything' might not go away with quitting smoking, but the crazyness might be just a temporary thing. Just a few days or weeks, untill the 'cells' have changed (William Burroughs in "Junky"). The quitting may be hard, but once you've done it, it'll be easier and easier I guess. (And that's all I can do, guessing.)
But if you don't really want to quit, then smoke on if you like. I'll be the last person to tell other people what to do.
Posted by: Martijn | January 09, 2012 at 09:26 AM
Smoking is the yin to my exercise yang. I'm a Libra, and so believe in balance. It stands to reason that if I quit smoking, I must quit exercising too. That or develop a new bad habit, like... it's amazing how few bad habits there are, when you come to think about it.
Posted by: UF MIKE | January 09, 2012 at 11:27 AM
Stamp collecting, running a train set, being a boy scout leader, wine connaisseur, ventriloquist, square dancing, hoola dancing, break dancing, anything dancing... want me to go on?
"Smoking is the yin to my exercise yang" is good!
Posted by: Martijn | January 09, 2012 at 12:10 PM
You're right. The world is full of atrocious habits! By the way, my boss is a Boy Scout leader. Just gives me another reason to distrust him.
Posted by: UF MIKE | January 09, 2012 at 12:30 PM