A Brief Political Digression

It breaks our heart that Michelle Bachmann has dropped out of the Republican race for President.  Her alarming pronouncements on social issues never failed to remind us that America is filled with people who think the country's been going downhill since we gave up witch-burning.  Fortunately, Rick "Man on Dog" Santorum has leaped in to fill the nutball void.  He's just slightly to the right of Hitler, and has singlehandedly turned the sweater vest into a symbol of Mayberry-era sexual intolerance.  Santorum's basic position on sexual issues is, If it would shock Aunt Bee, it should be a felony. 

Our personal favorite amongst the Republican candidates is Ron Paul.  He's crazier than a river running backwards, but you won't catch him trying to legislate what goes on in the bedroom.  Compared to the rest of the Republican candidates, he's a wild man.  He never has sex in his bed, because (a) he prefers having it on his front lawn and (b) the gold ingots he has hidden under the mattress make for an uncomfortable lay. 

We're not going to lie to you--it's been amusing watching the Tea Party contingent switch its allegiance from one candidate to the other, like a drunk man trying to pick a prostitute in a whorehouse.  Now it's Santorum's turn to bare his tits.  And all because their ideal candidate--the clearly insane man who stands outside your local 7-11 shouting "The darkies have ruined everything!"--refuses to man up and run.  

Comments

[AnitaNH]

Folks in my neck of New Hampshire love Ron Paul. The following has received about a quarter of a million views so you probably have already seen it but I live in a self-imposed media black-out and just discovered it the other day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2rMnov4Ae8&feature=related

[UF MIKE]

I actually like Ron Paul myself, within limits. I like his social libertarianism, but draw the line at his limits on government regulation of big business. I get the idea that under a Paul administration, sweatshops with six year olds working 13 hour days would be accepted business practice.

[Jan Martin Löhndorf]

Okay, after those brief glimpses at american politics, I fell kind of relieved to live in germany. Relived, mind you, definitely not proud. But I can see now why Robert Crumb emigrated to france. dear old europe ...

[Martijn]

Since when have you gave up witch-burning? And when will you take it up again?

[UF MIKE]

We gave it up in 1959. We have legislation pending that could hhave us burning witches again by 2014. Jan Martin, I plan to move to Germany if Rick Sanctorum wins. It will be refreshing to have a new home country to despise.

[AnitaNH]

But there is no getting away from it, really.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8y4vIzEkd6s

[UF MIKE]

No, everywhere you go, there we are. There are Burger Kings in Germany. I always wonder why they don't call them Burger Fuhrers.

[Martijn]

Good. Good. Those witches aren't going to burn themselves you know.

Oh, the Burger Kings in Germany are the best! (Bürger König.)

Best of luck enduring those preliminaries every one over there. I saw just five minutes of it and my non-vomitting record was in serious jeopardy.

[Bullethole]

What a great Rammstein vid Nita!
I like Ron paul. He reminds me so much of Walter Brennan.

[Jan Martin Löhndorf]

Queens of the Stone Age: Burn The Witch
Since I have seen that video, I am definitely pro-witch. I would link to it here if it weren't unavailable on youtube here, due to some copyright dealings.

Mike, wait some 7 years with your emigration to tje Reich, we could move together to the Wendland then, home of the no-nukes-movement. It's an anrcho-hiippy's wet dream come true, full of love & peace for everybody but the cops, politicians & capitalists. I'll be there when I'm fifty.