People who buy vinyl annoy us. We find them pretentious. We want to hurt them emotionally, by saying something hurtful to them, but we can never think of anything. This makes us mad. They go to their used record stores and they buy their used vinyl and they go home and play said used vinyl on their record players, which went out with the Ford Pinto, and they are impervious to our feeble attempts at slander.
We know a guy who paid about $25,000 for his record player, no shit. Him we really want to hurt emotionally, but it's his money and if he wants to spend it on a record player, who are we to say boo? But boy do we want to hurt his feelings. It's the most amazing thing you've ever seen, his record player. It has ancient-looking tubes, and a kind of string that supports the tone arm, and you get the idea. We wish we had one just so we could pretend we were a spy behind German lines in WWII, because that's what it looks like. The natural question is how good a sound quality can $25,000 buy you? We've heard his record player, and we can't tell the difference. But then again we're the type of person who can't tell the difference between a $10 bottle of wine and a $100 bottle of wine, so there. The point is that we're a plebian. We don't have discerning tastes. Subtle differences are lost on us. Which is another way of saying we're low class, which is a good thing, because it means we don't have to spend all kinds of crazy money to satisfy our ears or our nose or our eyes or our palate. They'll happily take in the cheapest swill imaginable. Cheap sound swill, cheap drink swill, cheap food swill, cheap TV swill. We don't require clarity or definition or a good nose on our bottle of plonk, which we don't drink anyway. We don't need HD. We don't need a 4G phone. All we need is love, which we're willing to pay up to $25 for a hooker.
A superb post with many a shared sentiment. However, I do buy vinyl records. But not because of the supposed superior sound quality but because that IS the cheapest swill, with the scratches and covers smelling like moulded vomit. And besides, Ozzy sounds funny at 45 rpm (as I found out 3 minutes ago).
Posted by: Martijn | November 28, 2011 at 03:10 PM
I paid ten bucks for my record player, and a buck 'n' a half to hear Dylan croon Blue Moon. (Imagine what I paid for my hooker!) Hey Mike! Morning.
Posted by: Martijn | November 29, 2011 at 05:46 AM
Morning! The best thing about the vinyl is the big covers you can hang on your walls if you want. Frampton Comes Alive isn't just music, it's bona fide ART!
Posted by: UF MIKE | November 29, 2011 at 08:14 AM
You're right! It is remarkable similar to Albrecht Dürer's Self Portrait.
Posted by: Martijn | November 29, 2011 at 09:34 AM
Ozzie at 45. Martijn, you made my day.
Posted by: Bullet Holes | November 29, 2011 at 09:50 AM
Black Sabbath at 45 would sound... normal.
Posted by: UF MIKE | November 29, 2011 at 10:58 AM
The only good thing about CDs is you can copy them illegally.
Vinyl DOES sound better.
Thank you for your attention.
Posted by: Jan Martin Löhndorf | November 29, 2011 at 12:43 PM
Perhaps I'm just as plebaic as Mike claims to be, but I can't hear the difference either. It's just that I love the low tech LP, the needle, the grooves, the spinning, the sleeves, the lack of plastic, the turning it half-way between or opting for another record alltogether, the scratches, the way you get them from their inner sleeves, the stains & stickers on the covers, et cetera, et cetera. It's just religion... which means utter irrational bollocks, but it's love.
The record played was "Black Sabbath Live At Last". The opening with the cheering crowd sounded like a school gathering that had just heard about the untimely demise of their teacher. Then a strange goblin began to scream and I noticed I had it set on the wrong speed because of the Singles I had been playing, i.e. the single of a recording of Belgium's most notable '50's poet Hugo Claus reading from his own poems...
But I am not defending myself: I am with Mike here in the battle against the snobs of sound and electronics and food. I love my noseless plonk! Hey all!
Posted by: Martijn | November 29, 2011 at 12:56 PM
I don't doubt vinyl sounds better. To somebody with ears. I lack ears. All I have are holes that a thin layer of skin grew over, the way it does over the soft spot on a baby's head.
Hey Jan Martin! Martijn, you're a poet!
Posted by: UF MIKE | November 29, 2011 at 01:15 PM
Oh, and me, I am just a stinking conservative from Retrograd with a solid love for 19th century socialism, Weimar republic age art and literature, early cartoons, female bodies without plastic enhancement ... you get the idea.
And vinyl. I love vinyl. I am as oldschool as Excalibur.
Posted by: Jan Martin Löhndorf | November 30, 2011 at 03:41 AM
I was eyeballing a retro looking new record player for 200.00 at a bed, bath and beyond type store. Why it was there i don't know but you could burn cds on it from your records, but I just want to play my old records, blondie and physical graphetti and the cows.
Posted by: karoline | November 30, 2011 at 08:44 AM
I don't know what happened to my old record player. Yes I do. It stayed with the wife when my first marriage dissolved. I wonder if she still has it, and all the albums that went with it. Karoline reminded me of them by mentioning the Cows. I had a great Cows record. You put it on, and it put people off. It was a great way to end a party.
Posted by: UF MIKE | November 30, 2011 at 01:19 PM