Shaving

We're a very thorough shaver.  First we shave with downward strokes, then with upward strokes, then with sideways strokes, and then we go into a fit and just slash the razor across our face willy nilly, like the killer in a slasher flick.  It's a good day when we don't cut off the tip of our nose.  But we get a close shave, never mind all the bandages, especially in the region of our adam's apple.

We don't shave in front of a mirror, we shave in the shower with our eyes closed, because the sight of the razor makes us nervous. It's a real provocation, that one of the first things we do every morning is draw a sharp razor across our neck. Especially as seeing how the early morning is the worst part of the day for us, having just awakened to the fact that we're alive and sentient and have to go to work although going to work is an act of insanity.  It's not easy, being expected to do an insane thing five mornings a week so as to appear normal.  We should do the sane thing and stop going to work and face the consequences, which is that everybody would think we're insane. 

We're at work now, and counting the hours until we can go home, i.e., we're sane.  I.e., insane.  Our head itches for some reason.  Soon we'll eat a protein bar and drink a double shot of espresso and later we'll go to the gym, where we'll lift immense weights for no good reason.  Oddly enough, the pointlessness of the gym seems like the only sane thing we do all day, go figure.  Sometimes we work out at the same time as a guy named Steve Austin, which just happens to be the name of the TV character The Six-Million Dollar Man.  Steve's strong, six million dollars strong in fact, so he's a case of life imitating art.  You should see him throw those weights on that bar.  He can chest press three of us.  He has bandages on his shoulders and his elbows and even his hands, so the lifting is taking its toll.  Sometimes we compare bandages, his from lifting, ours from shaving.  We always win. 

 

Comments

[Jan Martin Löhndorf]

Maybe Steve shaves his elbows?

[UF MIKE]

Could be. He has a hairy back. If there any indication, his elbows could be hairy as hippies.

[Martijn]

The shaving... I wonder is it an ethos, routine, social disorder or... ? I'm a terrible shaver, irregular I mean, but that is mainly because I'm a lazy sod, not because I believe in it, or for esthetic purposes. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I can really learn a thing from you. Shaving, working against all odds ánd exercising!

[Keith]

"We don't shave in front of a mirror, we shave in the shower with our eyes closed, because the sight of the razor makes us nervous"

I shave the same way but no because we are a fraid we just don't like the way wee look

[red dirt girl]

For some reason this post made me think of the irresistible pull of the DELETE BLOG button. Whenever I go into Blog Settings and see the DELETE button, I want to push it. In fact I HAVE pushed it a number of times, resulting in numerous dead blog links ... like that Red Dirt Scribbler link. Yep, that one's a casualty of my blogocide addiction. But don't worry. I'm in a program now, and I'm learning to just say No.

Right. This is a post about shaving. My boyfriend shaves in the shower too. Much in the same way you describe. We were out of town once, going to a wedding, and he picked up my super deluxe Venus 5-bladed razor in the shower. When he came down for breakfast, he looked like someone had peppered his face with buckshot. All the waitresses were hunting down band-aids for him. I just laughed and laughed .... serves him right for trying to dull my razor!

xxx