Oh, we can't prove she's a demon. But we have evidence. True story: when she was just a little baby, our mom was left alone in a high chair in the kitchen. All the adults, in the meantime, went into the livingroom. After a while, they heard our mom laughing. She was laughing louder than she'd ever laughed before. Finally her mom, our grandmother, went out to the kitchen to see what she was going on about. The entire kitchen was on fire.
She made the newspapers. The headlines went something like, Laughing Baby Alerts Parents to Fire. They made her sound like a hero. We have our doubts about this scenario. We've always suspected that she started the fire with her eyeballs, and then laughed at the thought of her mischief consuming the house.
Why nothing since? Well, either she lost the power of telekinesis, or she only practices it on birds in the backyard of our sister's house. Our sister and her girlfriend are always finding charbroiled birds in the backyard. Okay, so we made that part up. And our mom probably isn't a demon. But you should see the way she overcooks a pot roast. No stove could do that. She's doing it, and she's doing it with her eyes.
I'm tellin'.
Posted by: Jeffers | November 30, 2011 at 02:00 PM
Something for Charles Fort's notebook, eh?
Posted by: Jan Martin Löhndorf | November 30, 2011 at 04:03 PM
For God's sake, Jeffers, don't tell her! She'll eyeball me to cinders!
Jan Martin, why do you insist upon making work for me? Now I have to look up Charles Fort.
Posted by: UF MIKE | November 30, 2011 at 04:41 PM
Sorry, here you aree:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Fort
He was one of the saints of agnosticism.
Great guy who believed in nothing.
Posted by: Jan Martin Löhndorf | November 30, 2011 at 04:54 PM
didnt' belive in nothing? or wasn't he sure?
Posted by: keith | December 01, 2011 at 04:44 AM
Any how back to mothers! They are powerful aren't they! Great story Mr. UF! From out her loins you popped! It would be interesting to find out if she was awake during any of your births, it was such the trend to knock a mom out back then. None of you came out cesarian I believe and none over cooked?
Posted by: karoline | December 01, 2011 at 08:26 AM
I came out with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. I like think I put it there. Suicide by birth, I believe they call it.
Thanks Jan Martin!
Posted by: UF MIKE | December 01, 2011 at 08:32 AM
Eerily familiar this story. When I was a little boy I turned a burner up to high and started a grease fire, then saved the house from burning down. I was a hero, except I never copped to having turned the burner to high.
And what you say about the pot roast, my mom did with hams. She would put a cooked ham in the oven for 3 hours and when it came out it was like a salt lick.
Posted by: Bullet Holes | December 01, 2011 at 10:16 AM
That last sentence just made my day.
Posted by: UF MIKE | December 01, 2011 at 10:49 AM