Work Has Become... Work

Due to the evil machinations of the powers that be, our job has been redefined to give us numerous additional responsibilities with no commensurate increase in pay.  As a result, we've been unhappily busy trying, and failing, to master these new additions to our formerly sleepy workload.  We're half afraid they'll get around to firing us, that's how incompetently we're managing, even though getting fired from a government job is extremely difficult, even for a retarded cocker spaniel.  We know because we work beside one, and frankly he's doing a better job than we are.  Several times in the past week or so people have more or less asked us, to our face, "Don't you know what you're doing?"  "No," we reply, hanging our head in shame.  Frankly, we haven't had as hard a time as this since our first job, where every day our status as a working shlump hung in the balance.  Every day we come in to face a new disaster stemming from our incompetence, and every day we hear that damned cocker spaniel snicker as he competently creates a final PDF and performs (no kidding) a Preflight check.  We're not even sure what a Preflight check is.  We do know he doesn't fly an airplane.  We realize now, listening to the chatter around us in our cube form, that we have no idea what most people are talking about.  It's like they're speaking a foreign language, and not one of the ones we flunked in high school.  It's like they're going "Glick klump farb me rift."  It could be a joke at our expense.  Or it could be the death knell of our career as a government bureaucrat, which is chastening in the extreme.  Usually you have to be caught red-handed looking at child porn or convicted of attacking your superior with a three-hole punch.  To be fired for gross incompetence? Unprecedented...

Comments

[gillian]

Your retarded cocker spaniel line made me laugh out loud. That's the quote of the day right there.

I hate feeling like I don't know what I'm doing. For months, when I started this job, I felt like an idiot every single day. Luckily, my bosses were aware of the rather daunting learning curve, and expected it to take me a while. "How's it going?" "Awful! I feel like an idiot every single day!" "How long have you been here?" "Three months!" "Three months? Didn't I tell you it'd take you at least six?" So, I was lucky. And I got it in around 4. But those 4 months were torture.

[UF MIKE]

People around here don't have that attitude, mainly because if I'd been paying attention I'd know everything by now. Unfortunately, I was daydreaming and working on and off on a blog, which I like to think of (and this is what got me in trouble) as my "real job."

[gillian]

Well, my excuse is always, "I'll need a refresher on that because I've only done it a couple times" or something along those lines. "Yes, I have had training, but I haven't actually done it, so I'll need some time to get up and running" or whatever. :) I'll keep my fingers crossed for you because you are better than a retarded cocker spaniel.

[Jan Martin Löhndorf]

Your blog IS your real job. Nobody needs governmental bureaucracy. Hope they'll keep on paying you, though.

[bannedfrommikes]

I work with a lady, Rachel, that anytime you start to explain why you did something she starts shaking her head "no" before you get three words out. Its really unattractive and will only get worse with age, i'm sure.
Then the boss, Danny, he's a basket case all the time, and when confronted with a little pressure he starts scratching his head.
So we had a regional guy in a few days ago, and it was high anxiety around here, and the regional guy asked me some non-consequential question and I looked up and Rachel and anny are standing there behind him, Rachel shaking her head, and Danny scratching his with BOTH HANDS. It was too much and I just cracked up, and they asked me why I was cracking up and I just went ahead and told them just what I have told you here.

[UF MIKE]

You're a genius, my friend. And a ballsy one at that. I salute you.

[Сайтове]

Евтин сайт, само за 60лв на година с ДДС, предлаган от 1000фирми - проект на Фай груп. Евтини уеб сайтове с възможност за допълнителни услуги предлагани от разработчика.