We thought, a year ago, that we'd be starting some dreadful new phase of our life there. It was dreadful, all right, but we're ending up right back where we started, at Mrs. UF's place on 1811 18th Street in the Dupont Circle neighborhood. But we're returning as a friend, not a husband, and the sadness we feel over this will not abate. It's a temporary arrangement, done out of an understanding that we like living together but not as husband and wife. Everybody says we're crazy. We know we're crazy, or we wouldn't even contemplate such a measure. That said, we'll be glad to be seeing the last of the Woodner, which was just too isolated for our tastes. It was a good two miles from Dupont Circle, and we never felt at home there. The halls were too wide and too empty, and our apartment, despite it's large windows, felt a bit too much like Hitler's Bunker. In short we were lonely there, and it wasn't homey. It was the kind of place that would have felt empty no matter how much furniture we crammed into it, and as it was we never tried. That said, it had a great view of Rock Creek Park, which would have been nice if we cared about such things. As it so happens, we prefer the view of Flat Rat Alley we get from the balcony of the apartment on 18th Street.
Anyway, the Woodner will soon become a talismatic landmark in our history, the place where everything went to pieces and nothing cohered. Soon it will become a magical place, one of those places, like 16 N. Washington Street in Shippensburg, where we were afforded the life-altering opportunity to live at the very limits of our nerve endings. We tend to end up romanticizing places like that. There's something to knowing that there we were at the very end of our wits, and there was no escape. We'll want to go back, we'll dream about it, it will become yet another legendary space where our nightmares forced us to confront the fact that there is no way out, that we were fucked from the very beginning--that we were born with our nerve endings on the outside of our body, and there wasn't a goddamn human thing we could do about it.
Well dag, just, damn...dag. I'm feeling for your, brother mine. I'm hoping things sort themselves out. Love you.
J
Posted by: Jeffers | September 22, 2011 at 02:45 PM
Hey Mike! I wish you all the best although I haven't got the faintest idea what that may be.
Words fail me here ...
Posted by: Jan Martin Löhndorf | September 22, 2011 at 03:40 PM
I miss blogging more than anything. Just putting words down in a way that might make somebody, somewhere, chuckle.
Posted by: UF MIKE | September 22, 2011 at 03:52 PM
You do just fine, Jan Martin.
Posted by: Jeffers | September 22, 2011 at 04:11 PM
Thanks,!
Posted by: Jan Martin Löhndorf | September 22, 2011 at 04:51 PM
I only know you from this blog, Mike, so pardon me if I presume to much here. Honestly, you don't strike me as someone who would draw great psychic rewards from living in a named building like THE Hamilton, or THE Eastmore, or THE Woodner. You strike me as a "that building at the corner of K___ and 4_th" person, which I hope you take as a great compliment. I'm not sure where I'm going with this--hopefully the proximity and familiarity of the new/old situation will help you get your brain unkinked so you can once again see humor in Neil Peart's wardrobe, because it really is funny.
Wishing you good chi!
~Dave
Posted by: Dave | September 23, 2011 at 12:35 AM
Same here. Hoping the good bored Lord will perform a miracle (for once) and make you happy for a while. And the same for Mrs. UF. Bold steps! Applause.
Posted by: Martijn | September 23, 2011 at 07:49 AM
Dave, I think you've stumbled onto an important piece of my psychology. Named building have indeed treated me poorly. I've lived in two named buildings, and both experiences were nightmares. But I have my eye on a new luxury building called The Overlook. They would even make me their winter caretaker!
Posted by: UF MIKE | September 23, 2011 at 08:00 AM
I think you should paint a flying hippy on The Woodner as a parting gesture. I'm moving out of my apartment this week, and buying a house. My parting gesture will be to spray paint "Bedbugs" on the brick outside the office.
Posted by: bannedfrommikes | September 23, 2011 at 09:21 AM
Евтин сайт, само за 60лв на година с ДДС, предлаган от 1000фирми - проект на Фай груп. Евтини уеб сайтове с възможност за допълнителни услуги предлагани от разработчика.
Posted by: Сайтове | September 25, 2011 at 06:01 AM
is that russian? Anyhow good luck with the transition. stay hydrated so you can stay flexible. We do brita filtered water and tea around here on a good day , coffee all day on the bad ones.
Posted by: karoline | September 26, 2011 at 07:13 AM
According to google translators, it's Bulgarian. It says: "Affordable website for only 60 euro per year VAT offered by 1000firmi - draft Fay Group. Cheap web sites with the possibility of additional services offered by the developer."
And, as usual, it sounded better in the original form. Especially the сайт looked cool for some reason.
Well... I don't know about everybody else, but I have had my fill with Bulgarian cheap websites. It's time I treated myself to something good for a chance.
Posted by: Martijn | September 26, 2011 at 08:24 AM
"change" that is... godverdomme.
Posted by: Martijn | September 26, 2011 at 08:24 AM
Martijn, me dearest and nearest! (with a teutonic rolling to the "rr")
I would have liked to put a comment on your new blog, but alas, I need to be a registrated blogger or sumpin like this in order to do so.
So I'll keep on reading it silently, unbeknownst, like a creepy voyeur.
I could have liked the name "Blitzkrieg Blog" -
they pile up in the backseats
they generate steamheat
pulsate to the backbeat you know where this is going
Gabba gabba hey!
Posted by: Jan Martin Löhndorf | September 26, 2011 at 04:17 PM
I'm thinking of you, Mike. I hope from the bottom of my heart that everything works out for the best, whatever that may be, and however trite that may sound.
Posted by: gillian | September 26, 2011 at 06:53 PM
Thanks Gillian. I've never been this confused and lost in my life. Well, there was that time I came to in Dirty Frank's Bar in Philly with my head in a puddle of beer. But that passed. This just keeps going and going, darling.
Posted by: UF MIKE | September 27, 2011 at 04:05 PM
you'll be fine my friend....life will get better or at least soemwhat torerable IMO so buck up things always get better IMO...don't forget if you'd ever like to visit the old town let me know...
Posted by: keith | September 27, 2011 at 08:36 PM
Holy Jesus, what are these goddamned animals?
I have written a letter to my Queen and Gun Club, to complain about your work hours. If this goes on any longer, I can't be held responsible for the outcome is what I wrote. I expect SWAT teams. She looks nice, our Queen, but if you mess with her... boy oh boy! Last year, some lunatic threw a tea light at the "Golden Coach" (she drives around in a goldplated carriage drawn by 6 black horses)... he's still in jail! No process or nothing!
Anyway, come back Mike!
Posted by: Martijn | September 28, 2011 at 09:05 AM
My Woodner was a burned out trailer next to a Railroad track, a half mile from two recetracks and a Dynamite plant. I was supposed to be taking care of a blind diabetic man, but the fact was he was taking care of me. i would go over everyday and fix him a baloney sandwich and mow his yard. But the fact was he could do both those things all by himself. Heck, i seen him feel his way through changing a trannsmission on a Dynamite truck one day. He was just being nice to me and being sure I didnt starve.
Posted by: bannedfrommikes | September 28, 2011 at 10:00 AM
did I already ask this? How is your vitamin D level? for real. I want a number. pronto. signed " I vote for devil dogs"
Posted by: karoline | September 28, 2011 at 06:03 PM
Steve, your stories always buck me up. Karoline, I don't know. If the D in Vitamin D stands for Despair, it's pretty elevated.
Posted by: UF MIKE | September 29, 2011 at 12:15 PM
Here's a compilation of QI bits that picked me up; hope it does something for you:
http://www.veoh.com/watch/v13792108PrZ3pe32
The only other nonpharmacological mood enhancer I can think of would be if I had one of those old Manny, Moe, and Jack matchpacks where you could use the matches to give the boys big penises.
Posted by: Bryon | September 29, 2011 at 12:45 PM
Mike, that was only the half of it. Heres the full story, and really, that ain't even the half of it either!
http://srevestories.blogspot.com/2010/10/lords-trump.html
Posted by: loudashell | September 30, 2011 at 05:45 AM
Well Mike, you shall not forget to read Cioran. I think that might help you.
Kind regards.
Posted by: m | September 30, 2011 at 03:21 PM
Do you need help moving? Just call on us... and we'll be there, hê hê hê. Seriously. What I meant was: I'm missing to absurd enthusiastic levels your manic blog. Just a few words... put in the right order, and the deed is done.
Posted by: Martijn | October 03, 2011 at 02:42 AM
I read somewhere that you're moving out of The Woodner.
Is it true?
Posted by: Dan | October 03, 2011 at 02:55 AM
Did anyone else hear the rumor that UF Mike has been secretly charged with "conspiracy to undermine worker productivity" and exiled to Diego Garcia?
Posted by: Dave | October 03, 2011 at 09:26 PM
Did anyone else hear the rumor that UF Mike has been secretly charged with "conspiracy to undermine worker productivity" and exiled to Diego Garcia?
Posted by: Dave | October 03, 2011 at 09:26 PM
I'm out of the Woodner and back at 1811 with Mrs. UF. We're just friends. This is a sure recipe for failure.
Posted by: UF MIKE | October 04, 2011 at 04:42 PM
I've moved out of the Woodner and back in with Mrs. UF. We're just friends. It's a sure recipe for unremitting failure, for sure. Bryon, I loved doing that!
Posted by: UF MIKE | October 04, 2011 at 04:44 PM