We have nothing much to add to what has already been said about yesterday's earthquake, which for us pussies living on the East Coast was a very big deal. In Washington, D.C., we don't get earthquakes. Or tornados, hurricanes, massive flooding, or any other form of natural disaster for that matter. Living in D.C. is very boring. All our major tragedies occur in Congress.
We were in a conference room in the "Learning Center" when it happened, praying for something to put us out of the misery that accompanies the occasional training we have to undergo. The class was dull, and it had been going on all day, and we were near the end of our tether. Then suddenly, miraculously, wonderfully, the floor began to shake. We assumed it was a minor earthquake, that or the bombing of the nearby FBI building. Really it was no big deal. But everybody jumped up, and unable to believe our good luck, we got up and made for the stairways. There, giddy, we acted the part of a panicked employee. A woman dropped a piece of paper and stooped down to pick it up. "Leave it behind!" we shrieked. "Leave it all behind!" We think she took us seriously.
They shooed us out of the building and across the street, where we stood in front of the National Building Museum and hoped that somebody would direct us all to go home. Instead, after about 45 minutes they let us back into the building, but passed the word that it would be okay to pack up and leave, to make sure our homes weren't smouldering ruins. You cannot imagine the joy. One minute we're in the purgatory of training, the next we're being told we can leave. It's almost enough to make us believe in a benevolent God.
The only tragedy is that the building didn't suffer any serious structural damage, of the sort that would have turned today into an impromptu holiday. But you can't have everything. We avoided the Metro, since we heard it was packed and only going 15 mph, and walked the two miles home. The streets were thronged with pedestrians, and there wasn't an empty taxi in sight, but we're glad in hindsight we got to make the walk. It was kind of nostalgic. We passed the Belvedere, our first home in DC, where our car got stolen and we got charged $1,000 for painting a flying hippie on the wall. We also passed the Whole Foods, where we buy our Kombucha. We could have used a Kombucha but by that time we figured we could make it home and drink a free diet cola instead.
The dogs were safe and happy to see us, and the only damage our apartment incurred was a bookshelf door came open and a book fell out. We're calling our insurer about it today.
I'm glad you, the dogs and most of your books are safe, and that you got such great afternoon. You deserved one. I sure could use a good quake right now, but this thick clay soil of ours doesn't quake, it just blubbers.
Posted by: Martijn | August 24, 2011 at 10:10 AM
Blubbering soil. That's great. I want me a volcano!
Posted by: Jeffers | August 24, 2011 at 11:58 AM
Off topic, but check this out, the first Ronald McDonald, & he's freak city:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iO57P3xKUko
Posted by: Jeffers | August 24, 2011 at 04:19 PM
It was only the Fed Ex truck driving by here in Brooklyn. I disbelieve otherwise.
Posted by: tom | August 24, 2011 at 04:38 PM
Thanks for sharing, it is helpful publication for me and my psyche :D
To entertain I watch penis videos
Posted by: Penis video | August 24, 2011 at 06:05 PM
Which book?
Posted by: Bryon | August 25, 2011 at 12:07 AM
That is the truest, funniest thing I have ever read. Perhaps I should get out more.
Posted by: Mar7k | August 25, 2011 at 03:19 AM
You know Bryon, I haven't looked. It's just there. A neat person would put it back, but I'm too enamored of Albert Speer's theory on the aesthetic value of ruins. Tom, you're probabably right. A fed ex truck caused the whole thing. Thanks Mar7k!
And Jeffers, the R McD freaked me out!
Posted by: UF MIKE | August 25, 2011 at 08:51 AM
He's got a magic hamburger belt that just keeps spitting them out. Gak!
Posted by: Jeffers | August 25, 2011 at 10:38 AM
I'd have liked to see your flying hippie Mike.
Posted by: bannedfrommikes | August 25, 2011 at 11:13 AM
Mike, that was awesome.
Posted by: gillian | August 25, 2011 at 01:02 PM
Mike once again I am overcome with pride you and your fellow Federal Govt workers exhibit in the face of unbelievable dangers....well overwhelming boredom,which is even worse.
Posted by: rick piel | August 26, 2011 at 01:14 AM
In the 90's a guy we knew (we'll call him Mr Bungle) was a huge Mike Patton fan, he wanted his friend to come to Newcastle two hours north of Sydney to a FNM show. Friend couldn't get time off from work. Sad story, no?
No. fortunately there was a bomb threat at the government building he worked at & as the evacuees were pouring out who should be parked across the road but Mr Bungle, bags packed saying 'jump in we're going to Newcastle'. The Australian workplace used to be full of japes like that, try it today we'd be rendered straight to Guantanomo Bay
Posted by: dan | August 27, 2011 at 09:56 PM
Dan, that's a great story. I *LOVE* Mike Patton (and FNM). I was just talking about him the other day, and spent most of the morning listening to Mike Patton (in various bands) covers. I would kill for an album of FNM covering stuff. I mean, is it to much to ask for a CD with stuff like this on it? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-L7bb3K_Zg I love the original, but this cover is great (too short, though). My god, that man can sing.
Posted by: gillian | August 27, 2011 at 11:31 PM
I'm bored into a panic as well...
How's Irene?
Posted by: Martijn | August 29, 2011 at 08:52 AM
Irene was boring too. Two boring natural disasters in a single week--they're calling it the Hurriquake.
Posted by: UF MIKE | August 29, 2011 at 11:05 AM