Hurricane Irene

We were privileged this weekend to experience the dullest natural disaster of all time.  It was Hurricane Irene, which swept up the east coast and bored millions with its subpar performance.  Basically all we got in DC was approximately 24 hours of rain and some winds that managed to push a dozen or so sickly and on their last legs trees over.  It was like, "Don't go outdoors, you might get hit by a wet leaf!" 

Evidently, somebody forgot to include the disaster part of the phrase natural disaster.  We (Mrs. UF and yours truly) were worried because we neglected to go to the store prior to the hurricane to stock up on staples, like popsicles and bagels.  We saw ourselves huddled in a darkened apartment, starving for lack of foresight while all the people who looked ahead were enjoying pate and other delicious foodstuffs, in the light thanks to the battery-powered lanterns they picked up at the hardware store.  We got the last laugh.  Not only did the rain not stop us from going out to restaurants, but all the convenience stores were open to satisfy our candy cravings.  And the power didn't go out, so we just sat inside and watched cheesy horror movies and back episodes of Wilfred and Louie.  Nor did the winds materialize, so we didn't have to worry about flying projectiles impaling us on our walks around town. 

But if you think we're happy about the way things turned out, you're wrong.  We were promised a natuaral disaster, and got bupkis instead.  It was boring.  We kept looking out the window, waiting for a cow to fly pass, but nothing.  The occasional bird landed on our railing, and gave Rudi something to get apoplectic about.  Nor did the streets fill with water and sweep automobiles to the river.  We even went jogging.  You should not be able to jog during a hurricane.  Or at the very least you should be hit with a large falling tree branch, to teach you a lesson.  But Hurricane Irene had no lessons to teach us, except beware predictions of doom from well-dressed TV weather forecasters.

We did see somebody's umbrella turn inside out.  That was pretty exciting.  This was while we were sitting at the window in a Thai restaurant, which was empty because everybody else was sitting in their living rooms wearing life preservers.  Their umbrella turned inside out, and they panicked, because it was raining moderately hard at that moment.  When we left the restaurant the rain had slowed to a trickle, as it did on and off through the evening.  Much to our disgruntlement we saw not a single person get swept by angry floodwaters down a storm sewer.  We didn't see so much as a downed tree branch. 

In short, we were hit with two natural disasters (they're calling it the hurriquake) in a single week, and both of them were duds.  As a bored person who doesn't care about the sufferings of others, we demand more.  We demand a wall of water 15-feet high sweeping down 18th Street.  We demand boats in the streets, rescuing homeless people.  Instead we get two futzing disasters that together didn't amount to diddly. 

God hates us, it's obvious. 

Comments

[Jeffers]

Our sump pump kicked on & sent water back out into nature, where it belongs. And the lights flickered once. And some cartonns on Netflix had to be restarted because of little internet hiccups. It was horrible, I tells you!!

I just kept looking at the little stream get bigger (it did get pretty huge, but maaged to say put) and kept working on my Foster's Lager. I did have the will power to get regular weak beer just in case I had to do something heroic besides take a flashlight to the stream to see if it decided to flood the neighbors (it didn't) & check to make sure the sump pump worked (it did) but that's about it. Meredith went outside at the "height" of the thing around 10:30 or so & was delighted to twirl around in the wind & the warm rain & laugh like someone who knew better (she did) & Emmett too, even though he tends to worry a bit, like me. I gave him jerky & he was happy as a clam, just like your pups.

[bannedfrommikes]

The dullest natural disaster I have going right now is the brutal heat down here. 62 days @ 100 plus. if I lived down Austin way, it would be @ 77 days. its like being slow cooked. My brain is summer broiled.
Its so dry you van make Jerky in about half a day.

People in the ir living rooms with life jackets on! Cracked me up!

[UF MIKE]

We all sufferd so much, because of the hurricane. Like buying weaker beer. The sacrifice!

Steve, I feel for you. We get two days of 100 plus in a row, and we apply for a visa to Finland.

[Dave]

This glob is a gift from Dog!

[Jan Martin Löhndorf]

We've got like 24 hours of rain each & every day here in northern germany, but the only terrible thing about this are, as always, the people. "Oh, it's so coöd!" "If only I were in Italy now!" "Oh this summer is terrible!" and so forth.
they are the reason I stay indoors most of the time.

[UF MIKE]

Thank you Dave.

Jan Martin, my wife recently returned from the Germany, where it rained 13 of the 14 days she was there. I guess you get used to it. Me, I'd fashion a soggy noose.

[Jan Martin Löhndorf]

We are growing gills over here, Innsmouth style.

[UF MIKE]

Lovecraftian gills! I'm envious.