Moments of Abrupt and Exquisite Pain

For somebody who used to pour hot wax down his pants on stage, we're a real pain wimp.  Where other people demand aspirin, we demand morphine.  Some pain, of course, is extended over days; other kinds of pain are over in an instant.  Just now we scorched our thumb trying to light a cigarette. The thumb is fine now, but when we were barbecuing it, it hurt like hell.  The most exquisite instant of pain we ever experienced was when we were in the hospital after our automobile accident with Bill Harrison.  They'd inserted a nasogastric tube, and we were too fucked up to think about how they got them back out.  We found out.  The doctor approached us, said, "Let me look at that tube for a moment," and gave a great yank.  About three feet of tube came sailing up our insides and out of our nose.  Good thing we were on high amounts of demerol at the time.  We were so stunned it took us a good minute to say, "Ouch, that hurt."  The doctor smiled and held the tube in front of us.  "And that's that," he said. 

Comments

[gillian]

That sounds like something right out of a horror movie.

[karoline]

and even better gillian if the tube had a lung on the end of it. Speaking of horror movies, I had my first outing in kayak today, not the one with the rubber slip just the get in and float kind, any way I kayak across the pond , see some herons, a bald eagle and go along the edge to get a close look at some turtles, aww theres seven on a log! but then my kayak stops moving, I'm hung up on something. What do you get hung up on with kayak? paddle boat I understand but kayak? I paddle a little harder, nothing, I turn and look, nothing (of course my inner eye sees the creature from the black lagoon or giant crocodiles)I dip my paddle in to see how deep I am and hit bottom at three feet and try to push off, nothing,I wonder how long it would take to find me here stuck.. then I change direction and try again and wala gliding along i am and I just paddle as fast as i can and don't look back until I'm like 20 feet form the spot. Other wise the kayak ride was delightful. I think I want one, a hot pink one!

[gillian]

karoline, that made me think of the Archer episode, Pipeline Fever. http://www.metacafe.com/watch/hl-50122621/archer_pipeline_fever_season_2/ :)

[Martijn]

I was watching television yesterday (which I do almost full time, it shames me to say, but it's the only way -- apart from drinking -- of keeping the devil out) and on it came a program of a camera crew that followed the Australian Beach Patrol. Not so interesting was the find of a bunch of taped together buckets that promised to contain druggs, but was nothing but boat paint from the Navy.

But then we got to see what happens if you make a mistake while surfing: a girl had slashed her legg open on that shark fin shaped thingy underneath... well, I say slashed, but she cut it almost plain off.

Then, to highten the suspense, we saw a small kid who had stepped on a stingray. Kid was shaking with pain and yelling "I I I c c c can can can't take it no no no more... sss somebody knock me out". The pain... The horror... I put my feet up no the table, looking at the raindrops on the windows and the stormy trees. This time, the TV wasn't enough to keep the devil out.

What I should have said was: graphic story that was, getting tubed yanked out of your person...

[Jan Martin Löhndorf]

Isn't it pinful enough to just be alive?
Hey Martijn! Shall answer your last mail soon(-ish).

[Jan Martin Löhndorf]

Shoulda bin "painful".

[Martijn]

I like pinful! Hey Jan Martin. I thought perhaps you changed addresses. All is well.

[Bulletholes]

This reminds me of the story about how a Hotel manager in London came to Dylan and said that they had a phone call from someone said they was gonna shoot him that night onstage.
Dylan just says "Aw, Man, don't tell me that! I don't mind that someone is going to shoot me, just don't TELL me someone is going to shoot me."

[gillian]

Speaking of painful, my visit to the dentist yesterday was not fun. I go back in 2 weeks (sadly not having followed up and found a dentist using the CEREC system so they could do the crown in one fell swoop). Anyway, I'll be glad when it's all over.

How is everyone else doing?

[Martijn]

Twenty Words. Baby corn and Austria, chilly dogs, philanthropy, ding dong, doing it, stick a mime inside a box. And that’s all.

Hey, Gillian. Sorry about your not so funny dentist visit. Don’t become an anti-dentite though. I’m doing sort of fine... Life’s bleakness is beginning to shine for me. If only I could write like Mike! But I can’t complain. I’m in no physical pain and my two bosses are on holiday, so... Everyone hang in, where ever you graze, whatever watering hole.

[UF MIKE]

I'm hanging in through severe depression and anxiety--hope everybody else is doing well. I'm thinking of you all and hope to return to blogging soon. Very soon.

[Jan Martin Löhndorf]

Here are some heavy metal Umlaute for you, to give your name some bling and maybe cheer you up a bit: ï ë

And try and deep-freeze your emotions for a whili, it works, I know that from first hand experience
Get well soon, will you?

[gillian]

It was weird, I'm not normally nervous about the dentist, but this time I really was. Oh well, I'll be fine.

Mike, I'm so sorry to hear about the depression and anxiety. My mantra: It sucks now, but it won't last forever.

I love you and am thinking of you.

[Bryon]

Sorry to hear about your pain Mike. If you're looking for a good way to kill some time (and injure eternity), one of my favorite podcasters did a show with a cool Welsh poet named Gwyneth Lewis. They talk about Welsh literature, her poetry, which I liked, and she also talks a little bit, and interestingly, about her battles with crippling depression. Highly recommended.

http://www.stanford.edu/dept/fren-ital/opinions/lewis.html

[Bulletholes]

You ought to pack up the fruitjar and take a drive down here. We'll hit the Buttermilk Cafe, I'll give you a nice intro to Shari (she's the Coffee Queen). They got a great item on the menu that I suggested: its a big salad bowl with bisquits in the botton, topped with scrambled eggs and a layer of country gravy, then some sausage, bacon and hash browns and another layer of country gravy, all topped with a few more hash browns and a stuffed pork chop, and a little more country gravy. They call it the "Big Chief Bowl.
Then we can call up Joy (the cross-eyed belly dancer) and see if she can get a hold of Sweet City Sue and Velvet (they are both real go-getters) and well head up to Oklahoma for a little Choctaw Bingo.

[Dave]

Yikes, Mike! Are you sure it's really depression and not just a sustained period of profound, debilitating sadness? Just kidding. You know, a roadtrip down to the Big D might not be a bad idea. Swing through my place on the way there and I'll show you how we have fun in Arkansas. Maybe we'll put on some "Gays for Obama!" T-shirts and hitchhike the logging roads in southern Newton County. It'll be a hoot!

Hope you get to feeling better.

~Dave

[UF MIKE]

Thanks for your kind words and offers, folks. Unfortunately, I have to skip Arkansas and Texas (two states I really want thrown out of the Union) to go to Nag's Head North Carolina, where I hope to be stung by jellyfish. There's nothing like some real serious physical pain to distract from the mental variety. Love you all, Mike