The Sexy Cripple

Marsha is one sexy woman but she uses a cane so I was hesistant to go out with her, because I'm a shallow person and don't want people thinking I had to settle for a cripple.  Not that she's a cripple per se, she merely walks with a limp and like I say needs a cane but boy is she hot.  But I bit the bullet and went out with her and she had a wicked wit and we were always laughing and after a while I forgot all about the cane and the limp, I swear to God.  It was like I didn't even notice them.  Except sometimes when we were meeting new people my insecurity would flare up and I'd think that they thought I couldn't do better than anybody who walks with a limp and needs a cane.  And she could sense this about me, and it pissed her off and she was always making scenes after we got home.  We fought like cats and dogs over her limp.  And I don't want you to think I have something against the handicapped despite the fact that I do have something against the handicapped, for instance you would never catch me dating a woman in a wheelchair.  I'm just too shallow to date somebody in a wheelchair, and would never be able to handle the people who looked at me and thought he had to settle for somebody in a wheelchair.  Although maybe they would think I was a saint, which I'm not, I'm a shallow bastard who would never in a million years date a woman in a wheelchair, no matter how beautiful she was.

Me, I'm not perfect either, I have a Pete Townsend nose and male pattern baldness though I shave my head so that's okay.  And I do my best by her, I hurl her onto the bed and ravage her.  And I don't complain when she whacks me on the ass with her cane when I say something insensistive, or when I interrupt her when she's listening to the handsome family's "Amelia Earhart vs. The Dancing Bear" which is her favorite song. 

If she wasn't crippled, would I love her more?  Of course I would.  No, I take that back.  Because there is in my heart a place of pity that makes me love her all the more, more than if she were perfect, which I suppose makes me a shallow person too. 

If she were laid out flat in bed and could only communicate with her eyes I would still love her, in my way, which is to say I wouldn't stay with her or not date other women but I would still love her in my shallow way, my infinitely shallow way.  I would visit her, and learn to communicate with her, but after a while I would probably stop visiting her and communicating her with my eyes, because I'm basically a bastard who needs a woman who can move even if she can't dance although she can dance, Martha can, in her fashion.  I wouldn't be able to handle watching her paint watercolors with her mouth, with the brush set in her teeth and everybody would say look how good they are and I would probably even buy one but I would put it in the closet, because how would she know if I hung it up or not? 

john currin, the cripple

Comments

[gillian]

Terrific. Speaking of wheelchairs, there was this restaurant in Los Angeles called Cadillac Cafe. For a time, I ate there every week. A couple times, there was this group of friends there, one of whom was a guy in a wheelchair. I had a major yen for him, but I never got up the courage to talk to him. The restaurant is now gone and although I was briefly in touch with one of the owners on MySpace, I thought it would just be too weird to say, "Hey, who was that guy in the wheelchair, somewhere in his late 20s-30s, who used to come in there all the time? Is he single?" So, I missed my chance at a wheelchair romance.

[UF MIKE]

I'm sorry to hear it. It could have been nice. We screw around and we blow it. That's called life. Hi Gillian!

[Bullets]

I keep finding myself attracted to cross-eyed women. first there was Cross-Eyed Myra from high school. Recently I've met a girl named Joy. She is a belly dancer, and she has a great smile and she is so nice. And I gotta tell you she is even more cross eyed than Myra and it really turns me on.
She's incredibly mysterious.
I'm going to see her for the third time this weekend and I'm going to ask her which eye should I gaze into, and how many of me does she see.

[UF MIKE]

a cross-eyed belly dancer. you keep outdoing yourself, bullets. I don't know how you do it, but you do.

[gillian]

Hi, Mike!

Bullets: A few years ago, my friend Brad passed away. Another friend and I were talking about how Brad had finally been getting his life together and was actually even dating a little. My friend said, "The girl he’d gone out with most recently was cross-eyed and turned out to be a psycho, but at least he was getting out there."

[Mar7k]

Infinitely Shallow. Nice

[UF MIKE]

I was aiming for infinite shallowness. So that thank you.

[Bullets]

Gillian- This girl doesn't just belly dance...she does ballet, swing and ballroom. I'm teaching her to rock, that is to say, she is putting up with my knee jerk moves becauser I'm fun.
But she also does quilting and drives a supercharged International Orange 2011 Camaro. She is nice, and I'm sure she is psycho as well.

[gillian]

Well, men seem to love them some psychos, but for your sake, Bullets, I'll hope she's awesome with only a smattering of psycho.

[Bullets]

She's a self proclaimed geek. She must have a wild side, driving an orange camaro. She stops after two glasses of wine. She seems real nice. I like her. I hope she is not psycho. Her cross eyes are very cute with her smile.

[UF MIKE]

She doesn't have red hair does she? If she does, run as fast as your legs will carry you! All red-headed women are psycho, in my admittedly limited experience.

[gillian]

A friend of mine, when I told him I was considering dyeing my hair red, said, "Redheads are nothing but trouble."

And I've dated 2 guys who were anti-redhead. However, two of my favorite women have red hair and don't seem all that psychotic.

[Bullets]

My girlfriend Kristi was a 6 ft tall redhead from LA.
My ex-wife Shila is a red-head. I dug redheads all along!

[karoline]

that painting makes me think of JG Ballard's novel "Crash"

[UF MIKE]

Good point, Karoline. and don't get me wrong. I'm not saying all redheaded women are crazy. I'm saying every single redheaded woman I've ever dated in my entire life was crazy. Crazy dangerous, some of them.

[sodajerk]

HMMMM.i would....but do not think she wouid.

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[Scarpa]

I don't know what it means statistically, but when I was at University, I dated a lot of different women, of which three were redheads. Now, women in general can be a little nuts, but even taking that into account, the redheads were OFF-THE-CHART nuts!!

[weeme]

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