Into a bed and breakfast. No, to Christianity. This painting by Caravaggio is supposed to represent the event, but to us it just looks like a guy getting stepped on by a horse. Oh well. If you need an excuse to find Jesus, getting stomped by a horse is as good as any.
It's no fair when a piece of art makes you hungry. If you're a vegetarian this painting is no doubt horrible, but we're a voracious meat eater although we feel guilty about it because animals are people too. We burnt our mouth on a piece of pizza the other day which is what happens when you don't eat meat, you burn your mouth on melted cheese although that doesn't happen if you're a vegan, because you can't burn your mouth on a stalk of celery. Our mouth still hurts. This painting is good. It's what you might call photorealism, which is a genre of painting we like. We're glad we didn't see this in a museum because you're not allowed to eat in museums, or smoke either, which is why we never darken the door of a museum, they're outposts of fascism. Stand back, don't lick the paintings, it's rule after rule after rule. Our mouth hurts so bad we even had trouble eating a Rice Krispie treat last night. And they're not even hot!
Pieter van Laer was a member of the Bentvueghels, a society of primarily Dutch and Flemish artists active in Rome from about 1620 to 1720. All of the members were given nicknames. Pieter was affectionately known as "Il Bamboccio", or "Ugly puppet". We suspect this might have had something to do with his ill-behaved mustache. He primarily painted bowling scenes, scenes of peasants with cattle, and other subject matter of interest to virtually no one. This could possibly explain why he is not as popular as the bibulous Dirck van Baburen, whose Bentvueghel nickname was "Beer Fly." This dismissal is not quite fair, however, for van Laer is responsible for the remarkable "Magic Scene with Self-Portrait," in which he depicts himself successfully managing to magically summon the devil. The look on his face is priceless as the devil's claws enter from stage right. Us, we don't even fool around with Ouija boards. We do bowl occasionally, but have no paintings of ourselves bowling because, since Pieter van Laer's time, painters no longer hang out in bowling alleys.