Segway owner James Heselden is dead after driving his Segway off a thirty-foot river cliff. You've got to hand it to him--he actually managed to do something dramatic with the world's dullest wheeled technology. Here in DC we are occasionally greeted by the amusing sight of a Segway cop trying in vain to look unridiculous as he slowly sails down the sidewalk, in futile and snail-like pursuit of some normal-walking quarry. The Segway, god bless it, gives new meaning to the phrase "low-speed pursuit." As for Heselden, we say way to go. Pulling a Thelma and Louise with the upright two-wheeler may just give it the sex boost it's been lacking all these years. Who knows, maybe he'll start a craze, like Goethe did with The Sorrows of Young Werther. Gentlemen, start your engines!