Bye Bye Miss American Pie

Today's the 51st anniversary of the plane crash that killed Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper.   Not to make the event "about us," but we were about 4 months old when it happened, and we'll never forget it.  We were in our crib thinking how great it was that we could shit ourselves with legal impunity when Mom ran into the room shouting, "The Big Bopper's dead!  Which you would think who cares except that I had an adulterous encounter with him about 13 months ago in a Howard Johnson's in Harrisburg Pennsylvania, and I suspect he's your real father!" 

Well, this caught our attention, we'll tell you right now.

And then she said, "And Richie Valens is dead, and I threw myself at him at about the same time I threw myself at the Big Bopper, and he could be your father!  And Buddy Holly is dead, and I slutted it up real good with him, and he could very easily be your real father!" 

Since that tragic day, which Don McLean immortalized in his famous song "American Pie" which has been covered by the likes of Madonna, we've had plenty of time to think about our mom's words, which she has always denied when we've confronted her with them, the lying slag.  She's always like "I said no such thing, and how would you know you were only 4 months old, you ungrateful whelp who I should have handed over to gypsies at the first opportunity." 

Can you believe the way she talks to us, our own mother?  What a blowsy trollop.  Anyway, one time she got really drunk and we asked her who our father really was and she said, "Red Skelton."   

Surely she was just fucking with us.

Please, Dear God, tell us she was just fucking with us. 

"and the three men we admire most, crashed their plane and now they're toast, the day the music died"

Comments

[Martijn]

Looks like Red Skelton is Fozzy Bear's dad too. That makes you very close to Kermit Himself.

[UF Mike]

We're cousins. Which kinda bums me out, because I always wanted to do it with him.

[Generic Viagra]

Well, Buddy Holly could have been one of the greatest artists on history. It was such a shame! He died in such a horrible way and, as you say, we were all shocked.