Based on our insider information on the conflict, which is nonexistent, and our understanding of the true situation on the ground, which is nil, we feel qualified to say that we should get the fuck out, as soon as indecently possible.
Now that we've opined definitively on that issue, let us move on to health care.
People should have it. And by that we mean all people, excepting of course the poor. They can pour Thunderbird wine on their gunshot wounds the way they've always done. It's a great antiseptic, Thunderbird wine. It's a great painkiller, too. Fact is that if you've got enough Thunderbird wine you don't need fucking health care. You're good.
Now for food. Everybody's clamoring for it. Unfortunately, there isn't enough to go around. So henceforth everybody only gets to eat every other day. For instance, we'll be eating on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Weekends are going to be a bitch. We will probably have to drink lots of Thunderbird wine on the weekends, as in addition to being a great antiseptic and painkiller it also has appetite-suppressant qualities. Well not really, but being shitfaced and hungry beats being sober and hungry anyday.
Finally, to abortion. We're for it. The fewer children there are, the more food and Thunderbird wine there will be for everybody. Nobody wants to have to share their Thunderbird wine with a child. So don't have one already. They're greedy and tend to produce poop that isn't even good as fertilizer.
Oh, and drugs should be legalized and immigrants should be welcomed with open arms. Especially immigrants with newly legalized drugs. Come here, immigrant with newly legalized drugs, let us hug you! Here, have a drink of Thunderbird wine! Welcome to America, where you'll get to eat tomorrow!