And thus commences our new career as a swinger. What she doesn't know can't hurt her, right? We're going to take off our wedding ring, buy a classy toupee and a shirt with wide lapels, and take the nearest bus to Infidelity City. In homage of the Eagles, maybe we'll stop in the "cheatin' part of town" on the way over.
Don't get us wrong. We take our marital vows seriously. But as everybody knows they don't apply when your spouse is an another continent. It's like if your husband or wife was an astonaut and walking on the Moon. You'd have total permission to rut with somebody else. It's called the Moon Exception. Off the planet, and you're off to the races. Anything goes.
We're pretty sure we won't have any problem attracting pulchritudinous females. We're talking voluptuous, scrumptious, comely, hot as shit women. We're sure because we're deluded. Were we actually to go out there, we'd probably attract nothing but crazy redheads, which as anybody who has ever dated a redhead knows is a redundancy.
Truth is, we don't think we have infidelity in us anymore. It's too much trouble. Cheating's time-consuming, nerve-wracking and guilt-provoking. Besides, we're lazy. No, our stepping out on the marriage days are over, over before they even began.