Behind us, on the TV, Oprah says, "She got shot in the face and nearly died." We laugh uproariously. It's Thanksgiving! Earlier we caught a glimpse of the Macy's Day parade and there was a bald James Taylor singing "America." Boy, were we sorry we weren't in New York City! Our sister's girlfriend's dad told a story: He was camping. It was freezing cold. In the middle of the night he had to get up and run to the outhouse. He sat down, did his business, tried to get up. His ass was frozen to the seat. "I had a red ring around my ass for a week!" You know what we can't handle? Oprah's voice! She's still going on behind us, and every time she opens her mouth the world's a better place! Her every syllable is a springboard for universal improvement! Every life she touches is enriched and fortified with the vitamins of goodness! Without exception! Our brother went to the fourth game of the World Series and told us this story: A guy in the stands is dressed like a hot dog. He stands up at one point and, referring to rivals Tampa Bay screams, "I hate Tampa! My mother's from Tampa and I hate my mother!!" With this he sits back down. Seconds later, the crowd in the rows above him starts chanting, "We hate your mother too! We hate your mother too!!" Have you ever heard such an outpouring of sympathy for a man pretending to be a hot dog? No! Only in Philadelphia! Now the people on Oprah are crying out of sheer gratitude. Blessed! They're blessed! We're all blessed! We're reading a biography of the hateful but hilarious Louis-Ferdinand Celine. The German novelist Ernst Junger described him thus: "He has the gaze of a maniac, inward turning, that shines as if from the depths of a pit." Celine! Our Oprah! No "We're all blessed"twaddle here! Even the Nazis, whom with he tangentially aligned himself, couldn't stomach his nausea for humanity. An official in the Nazi propaganda arm urged his higher ups to have nothing to do with Celine, saying "He has questioned and dragged through the mud almost everything of positive value in human existence." When barbarians are disgusted by your nihilism, you're getting somewhere! You know what? Right now, at this moment, we're glad to be alive. Yes! It's true! Life is a nightmare for so many, the world's a playground for the bloodthirsty and the vile. And yet. So perverse is human nature, and so utterly contrarion the human spirit, that even we sometimes feel the urge, as D. Thomas wrote, to sing in our chains like the sea!