The Progression of DuWayne's Diet

DuWayne stopped eating meat because meat is murder.  Then he stopped eating eggs because eggs are abortion.  Then he stopped eating poultry because poultry is, if not murder per se, at the very least involuntary manslaughter.  Then he stopped eating shrimp because they look like commas.  Then he stopped eating cheese because let's face it, there's a cheese holocaust going on.  Then he stopped eating anything with a heartbreaking tale to tell.  Then he stopped eating toast because it reminded him of a pony he knew as a kid that moved.  Then he stopped eating homeless food. Then he stopped eating food that could conceivably wear a bikini. Then he stopped eating food that could be shown to be incompetent to stand trial under the MacNaughton Rules. Then he stopped eating Mr. Peanut brand peanuts because he was sick and tired of having to spit out the spats.

                       could conceivably wear a bikini

Comments

[Peteski]

Organic whip production is killing local Twizzler stock.

[Peteski]

There's a friggin pumkin holocaust happening in the Wawa parking lot.

[Peteski]

*pumpkin*

[UF]

Peteski, that top one would win a first place ribbon for the proud 4H kid lucky enough to enter it into competition at the state fair. Unfortunately, afterwards they'd slaughter it to make word jerky.