Our 10,000th Post

That's right.  9,999 posts ago we set out to write the Great American Blog.  We're proud to say we've failed. 

And yet.  If sheer stupid perserverance in the face of insurmountable self-loathing, poor ratings, and the slings and arrows of outrageous Orleans fans be considered success, then we must slump our shoulders and concede victory.  Through rain and sleet and various other forms of odious precipitation we have blogged defiantly onward, into the Great Futility, the tattered flag of Why Bother waving above our head, alone beneath the darksome, sneering sky.  

Many were the times we had no hat upon our back, no shirt upon our head, no underpants around our ankles. 

Still we blogged. 

Many were the times we seethed with anger because the world refused to perform a certain sexual act upon us. 

Still we blogged. 

Many were the times when the only replies to our posts were written by us, pretending to be an impressed Morley Safer.  

And still we blogged.  We blogged like an idiot on fire.  We blogged like a live man entombed in the crypt of his character.  To the sound of "Fail on, Fail on, Failer" we blogged!

To quote a very great man, "Good times, bad times, you know we've had our share, then comes the part where he mumbles some, and no one seems to care."  Except you, dear reader.  You care.  Of the 27,000 plus comments on our blog, some 89 weren't written by us, which makes them your fault.  Without your kind and funny words we would doubtlessly have moved on to something more lucrative, or finally gotten around to reading all of Homer, that Greek fuck.  You're the wind beneath our mangy wings, the happy berries in our bowl of Kellogg's Fucknuts, the ointment on the fly that is our foul and hairy-legged existence.  It's  you who succors us like a big mama pig.  It's you who allows us to fly too close to the sun, resulting in a bad case of wingburn. 

To make a long story short, we love you all, except for some of you.  The some of you know who you are.  Watch your step, because we've got our eye on you. 

Thanks everybody.  We don't deserve you. 

Comments

[Dave]

Congrats on your hundred millionth post. When you fail, you fail big! Keep giving me failies like "tattered flag of Why Bother" and "running dog counterrevolutionary chicken thief" and I'll keep being a happy berry in your bowl of Kellogg's Fucknuts. Do you have any idea how much I've stolen from you in the last year?

[Andy]

Heartwarming.

I am a faithful reader that actually stumbled across this blog last year searching for images of Ronnie Van Zandt, so there is some sort of justice in the world.

[Martijn]

Didn't you forgot that one posting that you removed just in time? Which makes that Amelia Earhart Luggage posting the 10,000th. Oh sorry, I am joking to hide my sentiments because it was an overwhelming also really depressing posting this. However, shouldn't there some sort of official award? Blogger Laureate? You can Fail for the United States!

[Jeffers]

That wind beneath your wings? Well, that was me. Blame the chili. I'm flying around the office here like I have a jet pack. Sorry. I nead BEAN-O.

[UF Mike]

You're the BEAN-O beneath our... forget that.

Thanks all! And long live Ronnie Van Zant!

Oh, and Dave: Did I really write "running dog counterrevolutionary chicken thief" Goddamn I'm good!

[Todd Green]

I admire your ability to hammer irony into shoes for a hilarious horse rampaging through the china shop of friend and foe alike. No humor with equanimity. Hail Eris. I'll be here for the next 20 thou or so, at least.

[Peteski]

'Nam was a motherfucker.

[Ben]

Congrats, but I'm kinda with Martijn on the official post count. I think we need an audit or something (just kidding).

You sure know how to make failure feel good and dumb sound funny, well, funnier.

Keep on postin' on. You've got a knack fer it my friend!

[UF Mike]

Thank you, all. We've hired the accounting firm of Emerson, Lake & Palmer to audit our post count. Their preliminary take: "You're no more than 9,000 posts off."

And thank you, Todd Green. That "no humor with equanimity" is our new motto.

And Peteski: It was. Especially the parts that happened in Allentown.

[Steve]

I see bad Art, bad poetry, bad music.
There is bad humor, bad smells and bad ideas.
I see Boozers, Fornicators and Godless Jaspers.
There are mislabeled charts , misguided and dysfunctional diagnoses of serious medical conditions and miscarriages of moral fiber at a level unseen since Baal built his temple.
I see cruel irreligious piety.
I see a complete breakdown of any human decency, unless the conversation turns to Porn or Hitler or Gary Wright.
What were lookin’ at here is cowardice, mayhem, hoary exaggeration, wantonness, sloth, cruelty to animals and a real talent for dissipating
“I suspect thee art not a Christian”

Congrats on the 10,000.
I did not know until today exactly what unremitting meant.
I thought you weren’t paying your bills.
Failing to remit.
Is that stoopid or what?

I like you Mike.
I just wanted to say it.

[phil core]

Impressive
Congratulations

You've pushed 10,000 buttons

Some without visible effect
But I assure you
Some strolling someone
eyes a squirrel
It's a twitching spaz
rabies for sure
way too close
A sudden jerk closer
Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!
Run!

[UF Mike]

phil core! I was just thinking about you yesterday! hey!

Steve, that may be the blog's best blurb ever! A wonderful dissection of my aesthetic, friend. Thanks!

[Oliver]

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[george]

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