President Bush: Nukeless Iran Still "Has Forks and Stuff"

In a speech today, President for Too Long George W. Bush said, "Okay, so I was wrong.  Iran hasn't been pursuing nuclear weapons.  But Iran is still mucho dangeroso, people.  Iran has got guns.  Iran has got knives.  And Iran has got literally millions of forks.  Dinner forks, salad forks, you name it.  Those big forks you use on Thanksgiving to stab yourself a big piece of turkey?  Iran has a whole shitload of them.  Lobster forks, ditto.  Iran has pasta forks and sardine forks and barbecue forks and even a stockpile of stainless steel Taylor Weekend Warrior Digital Fork Thermometers.  For all we know, Iran may have a supersecret superbig fork program with scientists working around the clock to create a fork long enough to stab Rhode Island to death.  In short, my fellow Americans, Iran is full of forks and the leadership of Iran would like nothing more than to turn those forks on us. 

Is this message alarmist?  That's what our Democratic friends would have you believe.  I say it's only alarmist until you find yourself with a salad fork in your eye and a freedom-hating Iranian sitting on your sofa with your remote control in one hand and your wife's happy bits in the other.  That's when we'll see how alarmist it is."   

Comments

[Tammy]

Simply brilliant.

[JohnnyPissoff]

I guess that would make Iran a bunch of dangerous forkers?????

[UF]

Forking maniacs! Thank you kindly, Tammy. Actually, you should be praising our great President. He practically writes our material for us.

[Jan Martin Löhndorf]

I remember having once read a story about a psychically disturbed young man who lobotomized himself. He has been living with his mum and was terribly afraifd of bacteria. He saw them everywhere and went on everybody's nerves. One day, his mum had about enough of his lamentating and asked him why he didn't shoot himself. Well, he went to his room, took a loaded gun, held it to his head, and pulled the trigger. He survived, but, by a miraculuos coincidence, he had shot out the part of his brain that was responsible for his phobic reaction. He never feared bacteria ever after.
Now, what I want to ask is: Is there anybody out there who dares performing an operation on George Bush to cure his very special phobia that makes him fear people in countries with large quantities of oil resources? Come on, somebody give it at least a try!

[UF]

What a heartwarming medical miracle! Unfortunately, our Prez's locus of madness is more than bullet sized. Perhaps if somebody used an artillery shell?

[Jan Martin Löhndorf]

If it is helpful: bomb him.

[UF]

Yes, but it will have to be done with daredevil accuracy. Seeing as how we lack both attributes, obviously someone else will have to do the right thing.

[sodajerk]

No mention of Sporks that i can see.

aka Shuvelforks in Scotland

we are safe.................for now.

[UF]

Really, you call 'em shuvelforks? Do you bury people with them? Hey SJ!